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The Talmud in the treatise Kiddushin (21 b) speaks about this law: “It is said in the Torah only to balance the figure a-ra (bad aspiration). Because if God had not resolved, he would have married her, despite the ban. ” That is, although a Jew should not marry a heathen woman, the Torah allowed it in this case – so that he would not break the prohibition.
From these verses of the Torah, it is possible to derive an effective method of dealing with the source. Read them carefully. We are talking about a man in war. When a person is in a war, it is very difficult for him to defeat his Yetzer, because with bad striving they struggle with the help of awareness of their aspirations and actions and reflections on them. But in war, man does not have time to think. At such a moment, the ban will not help him to refrain from wrong action. Therefore, the Torah says to him: allowed, but … before you marry her, you need to perform some procedures. When a person hears the word “allowed”, he is ready to perform the prescribed actions in order to marry this woman without violating the prohibitions. However, the prescribed procedures lead him to think and, possibly, to the decision that he should not marry her.
Let’s try to analyze these verses. This will help us understand how the actions listed in the Torah help a man realize that this woman does not suit him.
First of all, we will try to understand how to relate to female beauty. (It is clear that a man is forbidden to look at any woman in order to enjoy her beauty, except for his wife. It is a question of whether female beauty is a virtue, whether it has value).
King Shlomo in the book of Michele (31, 30) says: “Beauty is deceptive and fussy: the wife who fears the Lord is glorified.” On the surface, it may seem that female beauty has no value.
But the Vilna Gaon in the book of Kol Eliyahu (to Bereyshit 29, 17) asks: Torah, speaking of such righteous women as Sarah, Rivka and Rachel, many times mentions that they were beautiful. If it doesn’t matter, why does the Torah mention this? Therefore, the Vilna Gaon writes, the meaning of the verse in Micheley (31, 30) is the following: female beauty is not worth if a woman has no fear in Heaven. However, if a beautiful woman is God-fearing, then her beauty is one of the virtues that glorify her.
If a woman is God-fearing, then her beauty is not only physical, but also spiritual. In this case, her physical beauty is a reflection of spiritual beauty, as stated in the book Koelet (8, 1): “The wisdom of man enlightens his face …” (read more about Hanukkah and beauty).
Let’s think about the verse of Michele: here two properties of beauty are mentioned without fear of Heaven – “deceptive beauty” and “beauty is vanity”. The Vilna Gaon, in the commentary to Shulchan Arukhu (Even HaEzer 1, 1), writes: delusion (hen) is something not real, “deceptive”, something that only appears to human eyes. A woman reaches such “charms” with the help of beautiful clothes, cosmetics, etc. This is what the verse in Mishley says – “deceptive beauty”, i.e. it is a deception, an illusion, not something that actually exists.
Beauty (yofi) is not a hoax, it is what actually exists, but King Shlomo says about it: if it is only external beauty, then it is “vain” (hevel – literally: “steam”), that is. e. fragile, quickly evaporates.
So that a person could notice these flaws of external beauty, the Torah instructs him to do the following: “… bring her to your house, and let her shave her head and trim her nails, And let her take off her dress of captivity, and let her sit in your house and mourns his father and mother his month of time ”(Dvarim 21, 13). When she shaves her head, remains without a beautiful hairstyle (and without hair at all) and changes a beautiful dress to a mourning robe, it becomes clear that she was not beautiful in reality, it was just “charm” – the effect achieved with the help of appropriate clothing and jewelry etc. But even if a woman is really beautiful, then in thirty days, during which she will mourn her parents, beauty “shed”, and it will be possible to understand that she is fragile, “vain”, like “a couple”.
The complete opposite of a woman, beautiful only in appearance, is Sarah, the mother of two. Abraham told her when they went to Egypt (Baréshit 12, 11): “Behold, I learned that you are a woman, a beautiful sight.” Note: there is a difference in the description of the beauty of the heathen and the beauty of Sarah. It is said about Gentile Eshet Yefat Toar. Eshet is a conjugate form of the word isha – “woman.” Eshet Yefat Toar is “a woman belonging to a beautiful sight”, i.e. a woman completely belonging to her beauty, without inner, spiritual content. There is nothing else in it, only beauty. About our great-mother Sarah it says differently: isha yefat mar-e. The word isha is not in conjugated state. Those. first of all, she was a woman, a man, and her outer beauty was only an expression of inner beauty, determined by her human level. This is what the Talmud says (Bava Batra 58a): all women looked close to Sarah – like a monkey next to a man. Those. Sarah’s beauty